The World Explained By The Story Of 2 Cows!

 

Those are cows.

 

The world is a strange place. Hard to understand. Why does the sun come up, why does water swirl in the drain, why do they put soap in small bottles, why don't the small rocks and glass on your tires cut your hand when you put your hand against the tire while riding to clear it off, why can't we all just get along, who am I, why isn't there a burrito shop here, why is it that girls do not like IPA (aren't they really missing something?)...? And on and on.

Hard to explain, not pleasant, disturbing.

Saw this really good simple definition of the various political/social systems in the world. At least I do not have this question any longer. If you have questions, you can probably get the poster as well. 

 

This explains the economics of it all. If you want to read it before you order it, some of the pieces are spelled out below.

 

 

The World Explained By The Story Of 2 Cows!

 

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

 

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

 

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

 

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

 

VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has died.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.(Cyclists do not need that road anyway.)

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.

You decide to have lunch. (I love this one.)

 

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.

 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

 

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows bought with money borrowed from French and German banks.

You eat both of them.

The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.

The IMF loans you two cows.

You eat both of them.

The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.

You are out getting a haircut.

 

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have to cows.

You mechanize the milk production of the cows.

You insist with your nose in the air that your milk production is way better than others.  You regulate everything about the cows and then say "but of course, that is because German cows are superior."

 

 

That is the world's largest ball of twine. I just like the random nature of it. I am also amazed that it tood Francis 29 years to construct. Damn, he had some time on his hands.

 

Sometimes you have to be pushed!

Sometimes you have to be pushed, sometimes you do not!

This is the tale of 2 rides.  Both of the rides were really fun.  Both of the rides happened in the past week.  Both of the rides were on Domane's.  Both of the rides were approximately 3 or more hours.  Both of the rides were with a group of riders all with the same motivation.  On both rides I was wearing Bontrager Pro Cycling team kit.  Both of the rides were on loops that are not my normal ride loops.  Probably the similarities could go on and and on.  Probably you are already tired of this blog post.  If you want, you can just scan down and look at the different pictures.  They are nice in a squishy kinda way.

But, the 2 rides could not have been more different. 

The first ride was a group ride with the Bontrager Pro Cycling team in Solvang California.  The Bontrager Pro Cycling team training camp just finished up last week in Solvang.  Axel Merckx rang me up before hand and said "Joe, you need to get out of that weather in Wisconsin and come out and meet the guys and get out for a ride with us."  Boom.  That was all the prompting I needed to blow out of the super posh digs at the Trek office and snake out to California.  (Look over there, is that the sun peaking out through the clouds?)  I do not think anyone knew where I was that week - hiding from real work you know. 

 

That is a beautiful site, eh?

 

This was not an easy gig to get.  I had to spend the whole day in the office, fly out to California after work, drive up to Solvang, get there late, get up early, eat breakfast with the gang, go on a ride, dinner, rinse and repeat, then bust back to the airport, fly home and go to the office.  Hey, someone had to do it!

 

That is Trek Race Shop employee Mark Andrews fitting up one of the guys on his Speed Concept. Axel's Axes clearly on display.

 

 

That is the man himself, Axel Merckx showing the kids how it is done. Notice that it is warm enough for no gloves. Big deal for someone who lives in Wisconsin.

 

 

Get your Honey Stinger stuff right here. Many thanks to the Honey Stinger guys for supporting the Bontrager kids.

 

I really didn't have to be convinced to go out there.  After all, if you have been following along here, you know that I am about to loose it because of the winter that will not end here in Wisconsin.  As I look out on my backyard now (March 3) it is completely covered in snow and Weather.com says there is a big storm coming tomorrow night.  Ugh.  Surely this has to end at some point. 

If you are trying to figure out what bike to get for yourself and happen to be killing time ready this dribble that I put up, I can tell you that the paint scheme from the Bontrager Pro Cycling team is about the best looking Domane in the world.  Look around on Project One and you can build up the same bike. 

 

There is your new Domane! SWEET! (That is a Madone, but it looks alot like that)

 

 Sometimes you do have to be pushed.

I am starting this section out admitting I am a wimp.  I have not always been a wimp, I have become a wimp over time.  I used to be much tougher.  I am still pretty tough at times, but when it comes to cold weather - I am about as wimpy as they come. Like I said, wimp.

It is pretty hard to be a cyclist and live in Wisconsin in the winter.  Wisconsin is a great place to be a cyclist in the summer.  Lots of roads, more and more mountain bike trails being built, cities with lots of bike lanes and bike trails, lots of organized rides, the biggest participant mountain bike series in the country (WORS), access to great neighbor ride centers like Copper Harbor etc... 

But, winter it all kinda shuts down.  Snow covers the state and we have many a day with the high temperature well below freezing.  Wisconsin is not such a great place to be into cycling in the winter.

"We are going for a ride on Sunday, at 10:30", Chad called and filled me in. 

"I hate cold, why would you go for a ride at 10:30 when it is going to be friggin cold.  I hate cold.", that is my standard response about winter these days.

"Don't be a baby.  You are going for a ride with us on Sunday." I think that is Chad's basic response when talking to me in the winter.

"Only if it is above 25 degrees." Clearly a condition that probably could not be met.

"Your going for a ride with us on Sunday.  That is the last of it." Chad trying to put his foot down and not have anymore of my whimpering.

Errr....  I hate cold.  I really hate cold.  I just knew it was going to be cold, and I hoped that I could figure out a way to have a bad hangnail or something that would keep me from going out.  When I work up on Sunday, it was a balmy 1 degree Fahrenheit.  1 degree.  What the hell?  It is March for crying out loud.  1 degree.  I immediately sent a text to Chad.

"It is 1 degree.  WTH?  Isn't it March?" Me acting super surprised at the temperature.

"See you at Barriques at 11:30.  Don't be late, it is too cold to stand outside."  (No kidding) Chad.  Enough of this.

 

I sent Chad this when I left my driveway to go to Barriques for the ride. 16degrees. I thought for sure he would see how futile it was to go outside.

 

"You better get some gas on the way home, it is not safe to drive around with just half a tank of gas". Chad. 

Ok, I get the point.  Don't be such a wuss. Shut up and get to Barriques. 

"If it is below 25degrees, I am going to whine!" Me.

(no response from Chad on that one.)  I sent it again, still no response...

It was cold, and not just an average cold.  It was colder than...  I ended up putting on a ton of clothes and surviving it.  I do not think I even whined.  I probably couldn't because I could not move my mouth, it was so cold.

Poor Simon, he moves here from Australia - during our winter, their summer - and goes straight onto a road bike ride at 20degrees.  "I have every piece of clothes I own on." 

 

It was cold, and we rode at an angle. Look at the sky though.

 

 

On a cold day during a bike ride, you will pretty much eat anything. Check out the Bontrager Pro Cycling team gear. Eh?

 

I guess that is it.  Winter is over.  (Supposed to snow 12 inches tomorrow.)  We will be riding outside from now on, I guess. 

 

Soon it should be like this even here in Wisconsin. If you have not checked out the Bontrager Cycling Team website, click the photo and check it out.

 

Pray for snow.  I need to shed this reputation of being a wimp.

Cheers.  Out.

Joe

There are at least 7.6 things I love about cycling.

A sad sad state of affairs has presented itself to me this month. 

 

Sign going down to my basement. Makes me feel that maybe another burrito would solve things.

 

What do you suppose is going on down in the basement?  I have been down there (don't tell anyone), I personally do not understand the hype. 

That sign is a little bit how I feel about my current personal dilemma.  Do you want to guess how many burrito's I have had this year?  The burrito count is frankly pathetic.  Yes, I know that is almost unheard of.  Actually I wrote another entry last week of discovering some great old music while eating a burrito.  Just goes to show you that great things happen to those that eat burrito's.  Makes me think of that saying that is attributed to Albert Einstien about thinking and riding a bicycle.  It is probably true, but can equally be applied to eating burritos.  But, if you could combine the 2 then it would be the perfect day.  In fact, the Fox add said it best (In a perfect world, your favorite trail would end at a taco stand). 

But, I was at home for most of the first week of January, and the burrito did not make an appearance.  We had plenty of mexican food, but technically the burrito did not make the grade.  Absurd I know, but it just did not happen. 

Then we went to Utah and skied our brains out.  In Utah, the burrito is not a high altitude thing.  Then I went to spain, and the burrito does not exist there.  Then when I returned all jetylagged, and the burrito had just not woken up yet.  On top of that, I am married to a no gluten no sugar no dairy mostly veggie girl.  Good for the health, but bad for the burrito count.  We also had burrito intention interruptitis (Hanna kinda messed up the inside of her car one night, so that was a distraction - for example - yuck.)

It is mid february, and there have been a few burrito's.  But, the count is way down.  You remember last year, that there was a plethora of burritos.  I think 28.  I need to get moving.  The burrito will be conquered.  All of this healthy eating thing was not supposed to be at the expense of the burrito.  After all, I am wearing Converse shoes today.  Are we not Devo?

Surrender Dorothy!

 

On to the actual point of this all.  Bikes.  Bikes are cool.  After all, they have just 2 wheels. 

1.  It is not a ride until there is blood.  Can you imagine saying this about bowling?  It is not a game until there are smashed fingers and tendenitis in your wrist. - nah.

2.  They have 2 wheels.  1 wheel would be stupid, and 4 wheels is called a car.  Cars kinda suck, that is for sure one thing that Schwinn had right.

3.  The Burrito is the perfect post ride food.  See about 19 previous blog entries to prove this one.  By the way, the cafe at work put mozzarella cheese inside a burrito today at lunch.  I almost burned the place down.  That would be like putting a ride computer on your Slash (oh wait.)

4.  IPA.  In case you are wondering what I mean by this, it is beer.  If you had to ask, then you should just move on to the next point.  IPA is a biker kinda thing.  We are happy to drink Old Milwaukee, but given a choice IPA is what moves you.  Don't even get me started talking about Belgium and beer - that is coming.

5.  Right hand front brake.  Point of this, is that mountain bikers do this.  Exactly 5.6 road riders do this, but an uncountable number of mountain bikers do this and that makes it groovy.

6. No speed limits.  If you exceed the speed limit in a car, you will get a ticket.  We already established car suck (actually Schwinn did that a long time ago), so lets move on.  But, if you exceed the speed limit on a motorcycle, you will still get a speeding ticket.  They only have 2 wheels, but that makes them not as cool as bikes.  On a bike, you can pretty much go as fast as you want.  It is about the only vehicle that is really fun, and you can completely disregard speed limits.  So there.

7. Roads, where we are going we do not need any stinking roads. 

 

8.  They have the potential to violate the space time continuum. As you know, the future comes around every so often.  It shows itself, and then it moves on.  That makes me nervous every time.  I do not want to wake up one day with too many thumbs.

9.  Belgium.  Did I mention Belgium?  It is only the actual epicenter of cycling.

10.  That new bike smell.  You know, crisp shifting, smooth whir of the road.

11.  That old ratty bike that still gets you there. 

12.  Getting beat by a girl. Happens to me more often than I like to admit.  The bicycle is the great leveler.  Big people do not necessarily have an advantage any more than gender gives you an advantage.  Although gender does make you look better in lycra.

14.  Those racks that hold your bike on the back of your car.  Congratulations Mr.rack on the back of your car inventor guy, your a genius.

15.  The Tour de France.  It is not really a bike race, more of a freak show.  I know that a lot of you are really taken aback that I would say that.  But, a bike race is Flanders or Roubaix or Liege Bastogne Liege, or an enduro MTB race or just about any cyclocross race.  In those races, with 5k to go there can still be 10 people that can win.  When you get to the bottom of the Mur, there might still be a group of 20 together.  It is unbelievable how exciting that can be.  In the TDF, by day 10 there are like 3 guys that could win. So then we look at the French countryside on TV and listen to Paul and Phil drone on and on about how someone is a beautiful bike rider (accent required).   But, I still love going to the tour, it is the most beautiful freak show in the world.

16.  Cyclocross.  Holy crap.  What a freak show that is.  In fact, it is the most exciting cowbell ringing, bacon throwing freak show there is.

17.  JHK's remedy.  Check it out.  Just makes me drool.

 

JHK's Remedy. Wow is all I can say.

The list goes on and on.  Not sure if it would ever stop if I really didn't let it stop.  I have been a cyclist my whole life (and I am old.  Geez, old dude get some new music after all.  Don't even get me started on trying to get Pearl Jam tickets.), I don't really know much else.  I do know a little about bikes though, and boy oh boy will I let you know that.

Why are you still reading this?  Go ride your bike.  Belgium is coming.

I wish I had some new converse.  All of my existing pairs are getting worn, and the laces on the left shoe are all to long.  (That is always the case).

It is only 38 days until the greatest bike race of the year.  Get my Jupiler!

Out,

Joe

Brad nor Random neither are not Pearl Jam

 

Stop Making Sense. Remember the big suit?

Recently I rediscovered some old music that is really really good. I was at a chipotle trying to get caught up on my burrito consumption. As you know, I am way way behind. There have been months where I have been able to stay entirely clear of the number of days that have flipped over with straight up count of burrito like objects that I have consumed. After all, it is essential to good health to consume burritos. But, of late I have had for some reason a tough time with that count.

 

Digging in with my head down on the burrito count I found myself tapping out a good rhythm with a song I recognized as an old Talking Heads song. I imediately Shazamed it and yep - Crosseyed and Painless from Stop Making Sense. Wow. What a great album. Remember the big suit? For 3 days now, I cannot stop listening to TH.

I know that this will absolutely surprise you to learn that there is actually a band other than Pearl Jam. I have been known to deny that as well. After all it is the only station still in business on Serius Radio.

Which brings me to my current debate. Brad is not Pearl Jam. I know it contains a Pearl Jam member, and Stone Gossard is possibly the coolest member of Pearl Jam, but it is not Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam requires Eddy on vocals, Mike on guitar as well, Jeff on bass and Matt on drums. They do a nice cover of the Neil Young song Don't Cry (actually better than Neil does), but that still isn't really Pearl Jam.

I got really excited about Brad. It is reasonably good music and works well on the trainer. I bought it all.  Gave it all a really good listen.  Afterall, there hasn't been any new PJ in a while. But I still want more PJ.

 

Which brings up my current rant. I spent an hour last Saturday in the virtual waiting room on the ticket site trying to get summer tickets to see PJ at Wrigley, only to be denied. I had 3 devices logged in trying my absolute best to get tickets. I am convinced I was robbed.

 

Don't ask me what Random is all about. I think that just shows that Jeff is bored and there needs to be a new PJ project.

Joe

 

Get this. Give it a listen.

 

 

Watch this if you have nothing else to do for an hour and half.  The big suit comes in at 1'05".  Good luck.

 

 

  

Magical Mystery Tour

John Lennon watching me eat a burrito at the Red Iguana in SLC!

When the pages turn, they turn. Kinda like that song, you know the one that goes. Ba b aba bap. Ba b aba bap. Boop! I am pretty sure it is a Saphires song, or maybe Pearl Jam. Andy says it is a little like on the grapevine. I am pretty sure there is no bus though, at least not one with a fancy paint scheme. If your looking for something not on the menu, then head on out of here. I am not a short order cook any more than I am Yoda.

Our adventure begins about 2 weeks ago. The night was – moist. And that moisture is what lead to this tale. A tale of airplane rides, ski slopes packing loads of new snow, bike rides on roads that can only be imagined and skinny bike racers with fancy new kits. Listen closely. The tour started out with an airplane ride to the promised land, a trip to the beehive state with gravity on my mind. It had been a long time since we had been to Utah and a long time since we had toyed with the gravity setting on our space suits that much.

I think this is the best IPA i have ever had. Art introduced me to it. OMG!

Here is a snapshot,we went to Utah, we saw our good friend Art, we skied 5 spectacular days at Snowbird and Alta, I reignited my love affair with Utah and specifically Alta. It was cool. But, of course that does not tell the whole story, as we had 3 days of snow pounding down on us. Not huge huge amounts, but about 12 inches per day for those 3 days. At times it was hard to see what we were doing, at others it was hard to see period, and at others still the snow was so thick that is was a bit like swimming.

 

But oh my, gravity is good. I had forgotten just how good Alta is. It can be steep, it can be deep and there are not many people there the 2nd week of January. It is totally worth it.

Check out all that gravity!

From there, I flew directly to Mallorca.

You are probably wondering if planes can actually fly directly from the land of white fluffy to the Mediteranean. I can tell you this, they do. I went to attend a super double dog secret meeting of the future. Great fun it was and no babel fish were harmed in any of it. The meeting was all about our over all plans for the Trek European business and we were visited by the future there. Once again, I will have to leave you hanging as that particular version of the future was all shinny and bright and cannot be mentioned (much like the season who cannot be named). You just cannot know, or again – you know the thumb thing.

But, while we were there we rode our bikes and sampled some of the great roads on the Island. It is a sort of mecca for winter cycling for Europe. While there you will regularly see pros from all the big teams and continental teams and shop teams all spending time on the island riding the quiet roads along the coasts and into the mountains. Good stuff. I would plan to go back for sure. If you go, be sure to stay at Reeds Hotel – they will treat you right. Tell them Joe sent you, or … maybe you shouldn’t do that. Either way, it will be good for you. I will tell you this though, Porridge and Oatmeal are not the same thing – even if a Spanish or English person tells you they are. Not.

If you are wondering, you cook the oats first – then add berries, then almonds, then yogurt. It is called Joe-tmeal.

I don't know what is going on in the background.

It is pretty nice in Mallorca.

Nice looking road.

I have no real idea what is going on here either.

From there, I joined up with the skinny bike racers and saw them doing some great training and working on position on the TT bike and doing that “we are going to go fast this year thing with their eyebrows”. It was in Valencia.  Lots of skinny bike racer types that can go way faster than me.  I think they are going to have a really good year.

Time to go for a group ride. Oh, let's say 6-7 hours...

Hmm....

Frank Schleck has a pretty nice looking bike on that new Madone.

I always like a big stack of pro bikes.

I cannot wait for Belgium and France and Italy and all those other Yoda like lands with the epic bike races that will be on. Oh, and then there is Belgian beer and frites you must not forget.

 

Enjoy the pictures. Adios.

Hide your kids, hide your wife! - there is a Blizzard coming!

 

Mid storm!

 

It is here!  It might actually be the storm of the century.  After all, the century is all of 12 years old. 

In reality, we are getting about 8 inches of really wet snow.  The blizzard that wasn't.  It was a big storm, but not one that should have had a place like Wisconsin really so freaked out.  Good grief, we have a few of these every winter.  There has been mass hysteria over this storm thing for days.  School was cancelled already the day before, the University of Wisconsin was planned to be closed already the day before, the news was doing weather alerts the days before, the stores were busy with people stocking up...  Wow.  Pandemonium.

In the end, it looks like the storm is just going to be one of the average big storms that we will see here in Wisconsin each winter.  Not a killer, not a bust, just somewhere in the middle.  Writing this at 3pm on the day of the storm, Weather.com says the storm is going to carry on into the night.  But, when I look at the map it looks like it will all be done in the next hour. 

 

Sean from Trek Travel rode his bike into work anyway. I am jealous.

 

Just about the funniest thing I have seen in regards to the storm is this video.  Enjoy.

Joe

 

The best ever family game!

“Best and Worst!” Yes I am seated, so I can call that game.  If you have not yet figured things out, I am pretty much the smartest person you know.  And you know, it is the proverbial - If you do not believe me, just ask me...  But, well beyond just offering that as proof, I will tell you that if you do not believe me, just ask my family.  They will certainly tell you that I am most certainly the smartest person you know - just ask him.  Even Chris reluctantly has to admit. 

I started this game at my family dinner table when my kids were young.

The game started as just a way to get everyone talking and for me to stay in touch with my kids when they were growing up. The game was that you had to say out loud what the best part of your day was and worst part. The rules were pretty simple at first, you had to have answers and could not pass. Something was a little bit better than something else, something was a little bit worse.  It worked. We all talked, we all knew something about each other and we got a sense of who we were as a family and who we were becoming as individuals. And, we learned that we really liked each other. But, the really great part is that the game has taken on a level of mythology that is truly impressive. The rules evolved along the way.

The first evolution of the rules was that you could not say the same thing as someone else. That meant that if you had spent the whole day with someone, you really wanted to be able to go before them, as it was hard sometimes to not have the same answers as the person before you.

That pushed the next evolution of the game, the person that called the game got to decide the order. Calling the game could only be done when everyone was seated. That led to a mad dash to call the game the moment the last bum touched a seat. This would set off a bout of competitiveness, and anything you can compete at in our family is a good thing. Of course calling the game meant you got to penalize someone into going last, making it difficult for them to come up with an acceptable offer on the game that had not already been spoken by someone else.

The next evolution on the rules was a complete ban on anything cheesy. One could not ever ever ever say something like “My best is that we are all here together for dinner.” – Cheesy. "I am so happy that we are having xx for dinner." - Cheesy.   This rule has been particularly difficult for guests to understand. Grandparents in particular have difficulty with this rule.

The next evolution was that the person who called the game could decide to change the rules at any point in the game. Most people do this as they really just want to penalize Ali (at least that is what she assumes, "No one in this family ever listens") I like to be able to change the rules midstride, just to exert my authority over the game. Somewhere along the way Liz is going to say “Your not the boss of me…” Given that, I need to find ways to be in charge.

The last evolution of the rules is that I can change the game rules anytime I want, even if I did not call the game. I am sort of a dictator. Most people are fine with this (recognizing the superior intellect), Hanna has just resigned herself to it, but it mostly just irks Chris – which is the real reason that I created this rule in the first place.

The funny part is the lore of the game. It was fun even when the kids were in college, as their friends would come to the table and say “Ooo, I have heard about this game.”

It is pretty much the best family game ever.

So, Best and Worst!  I am also taking the liberty of listing more than 1 thing - if I want to.

Best

 

Oh what a lovely squeek

1. Belgium in the spring.  As you are well aware now, Belgium is the galactic center of cycling.

 

If you ever have the opportunity to go to Belgium at the end of March/beg April - do it.  Get yourself to the Koppenberg climb on the day of Flanders race ride the roads around Flanders, drink in the cycling history.  It is absolutely the best part of Cycling.  Last year I was fortunate enough to go there and ride the Flanders course, ride the Roubaix challenge (I realize it is not really Belgium, but it is sort of the same part of the world) and then ride the Roubaix cobbles again on my own. 

The crazy Belgian fans, the terrain, the history, the cobbles are tough, the climbs are steep, the wind is horrible, the speeds are impressive - you will never forget it.

I am going again this year.  Stay in Brugge, drink Belgian Trappist Ale, ride my bike and hope I do not fall down, with Fabian Cancellara romp through the races and generally speak crummy french while smiling big the whole time.  (The Mexican Food is almost non existent though)

 

 

Keep your hands off my burrito.

2. I think that I had an all time record number of burrito's this year.  I am not certain, but I know I had more than 100 burrito's during the course of the year.  There is nothing wrong with that, is there?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's a strange family, I know.

3.  Mountain bike rides.  Blessed samples I have had this year.  Fortunate that I travel and that I like to ride my mountain bike am I.  Wondering where to ride you must be.  Further looking than my list you will not need to. 

 

I did a great trip to Arizona with the family in January.  It was duper.  Love riding there, it is just about my favorite XC riding.  If you have not ridden in the dessert, then you may not know what you are missing.  I also did a great family trip to the UP of Michigan.  Copper Harbor it was, there hey.  Great riding place.  Liz and I did what was supposed to be a great MTB trip to Australia.  Alas, that was cut short by a Kangaroo getting in my way. 

I guess that means that the Az trip has to be the highlight for this best and worst trip down memory lane of the year.  There you have it.

 

Worst

 

Australian hospitals are a kicking place to spend a MTB vaca.

1.  To me personally it has to be the Kangaroo incident in Australia.  Imagine my displeasure to go all the way to Australia to ride MTB, only to have a Kangaroo take me out on a ride.  Arghh... 

 

But, I did get to experience the Australian health care system - Bonus.  Damn Kanagroos.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.  I did not get to go to Whistler.  I wanted to, but just did not get to.  Grr...  No picture of that one, as it would just be a guy with a sad face.  If you have not been to Whistler, and you are a mountain biker - you just need to go.  There really isn't anywhere more fun.  I will get there this year.

 

 

Lloyd cutting it up in Utah.

3.  I still have not been able to get out for a ride with my friend Lloyd.  He even went to Moab this year, and I did not get to go with him.  Of course it was entirely his fault that he chose a week that I could not join.  I also plan to get out there and ride the Whole Enchilada and eat about 12 burrito's - mostly because I can and I cannot let Lloyd be ahead of me on this one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Out, for another year of adventure.  grrpp.

Joe

Consider this for your imagination...

I have exactly 666 followers on Twitter.  Check it out!  @joev3  Not just 665 or 667, exactly 666. (cue the Twilight Zone music now which sounds like do do do do, do do do do, do do do do) I am seriously jazzed by that concept.  What a fantastic number to stop on.  I think I will keep it right there.  If you join up with me, I might just go in and delete the same number of old deadbeat followers to keep it right there.  I kinda like the symmetry of the number.  It is a small number that I can deal with.  Feels intimate, kinda homey.  A bigger number just feels like someone is going to start a fight or something.  Dangerous.  Sort of like drinking a beer with your neighbor in the garage, while looking at your bikes or motorcycle.  No girls allowed - man stuff.

Some people think that 666 is the sign of the devil.  I like to think of it as the inverse of 999.  Sort of like being a bat and hanging around the shop upside down.  Makes the blood rush to your head. And, completely eliminates jetlag, but it does make you feel like your head is going to explode.  Maybe that is why vampires look like they are going to jump you at any time.  Think about the last time you were around a vampire, and I am sure you will agree with me.  See?

Saturday came and went, trainer workout, dog walk, working on the motorbike session in the garage, Oatmeal and IPA etc...  you know, just stuff like normal people do.  I still have not gotten to the serious garage remodel and paint freshen that I need to.  Summer took it's toll on the man cave.  I love the garage, and no Garrison did not build it for me.  Oh, I did get to a coffee shop - that just proves I am alive though.  Funny how Saturdays just seem to pile on after Friday.  It is like it is part of the calendar and the way of worlds or something.

I am feeling a bit like Rod Serling.  If you do not know who he was, look it up - Twilight Zone, creepy stuff.  I will describe what I see as weird and crazy.  Things that could catch you in an alternate reality.  Like Cyclocross or racing a goofy road bike over terrain that isn't really mountain bike worthy, but isn't a road either.  It is in the twilight zone of bike riding surfaces.  A surface that is meant to bump and tether.  A surface that is neither round nor square, straight nor crooked, left nor right - it goes through the picture as it would if it were living a parallel life.  Sort of oblique. 

 

The best part of cyclocross = Frites!

So then the Sunday came next.  Part of the Regional Championship on the course from the state championship the day before on the course of the national championship of the season prior on the course of the National Championship of the season to come, making Verona part of the nation officially.  (And this has nothing to do with the Green Bay Packers.) As the forecast called for rain mixed with snow and 37, I am sure that I would want to race, but alas the vicious Kanga has eliminated that possibility.  "Stay away from the cans, he hates cans".  (As that has nothing to do with Kangaroo's or Drop Bears, I just thought I would throw that in.)   But, mud boots and frites with the sound of cowbells is what we will all be about on the Sunday.  Visions of Belgian sand run ups in my head.  <Belgium is the Wisconsin of Europe after all.>

 

"I'm from Kansas City. We don't have snow there. This is bull shit..." This guy didn't say that, but another racer did. Classic.

 

It was cold.  It was slippery.  If you were not from Wisconsin, and had to ride in this.  Ugh. I wish I could have ridden it.  Looked like huge amounts of fun, even though it is just a silly sport.  Sort of like going to Camelot - a silly place. 

But, there were people handing bacon out on the side of the course to the racers.  Gotta love a sport that has that going on.

 

It was slippery out there people. This is the leader of the mens pro race about to fall down. A vision of what National Championship could be like.

 

Be careful out there people.  Drop bears are everywhere.

Out,

Joe

 

 

I am now officially from Wisconsin.

Wisconsin to the core. I mean seriously, where else would I be from?

I have lived here for more than 20 years.  Think about that, 20 years.  Some of you reading this may not be much older than that.  Of course your still sitting there reading my blog, with gives me some sort of power over you, but nonetheless, there is no denying that I am old.  You know, first the earth's core cooled - then I was born then somewhere in there I moved to Wisconsin.

I moved to Wisconsin, so that I could avoid the hassle of all of those mountains and great snowfall and kangaroo's.  In the end, we do like to send out a mailer.

After living here for nigh on 25 years, I decided it was time to truly embrace the place.  So, this past few weeks I have been eating sausages, talking with a wisconsin accent, drinking more beer than I should be and then I finally took the plunge and went to a Packer game.  "Hey, I have never been to a Packer game and I bet you have not either..."  So away we went. Club level it was - chairs with backs even.  (Good for people that are still not converted)

Apparently the purple hoard needed to be turned back.  I did feel just a bit out of place as I did not have a kilt on or goldilocks braids or even any sort of painted body parts.  I did have baloney in my shoes though.  Not sure why, but was told that it was necessary.

First observation about the whole thing. - it was pretty fun.

Next observation - there are alot of people there.  Feels like way more people than any other sporting event i have ever been to.

Third observation - there are not any green and gold sweatshirts available in the world anywhere.  They are all at Lambeau field.  In the imortal words of Buckaroo Banzai - wherever you are, there you are.

Damn. That is a lot of green and yellow.

I spent most of my time at the game scanning the air looking for the golden snitch and trying to be ready to dodge a bludger.  I am certain that the drunk girl at the end of our row was knocked silly by a bludger.  One minute she was dancing and being vulgar spilling her beer on neighbors, and the next she was sprawled out over the dude in the row ahead of us. That lead to a bunch of leering at the mom in the back row and then a bunch of people calling for a first down. 

The traffic on the way home was impressive.  How do 60,000+ people get the hell out of dodge?  They sit in traffic and hope for the best.  The best is pretty slow moving. 

In the end, the Pack (I have learned that is what you call them), smashed the purple marauders.  There was one runner kinda guy in purple that was pretty impressive in his speed, oh Peterson was his name-o. 

Now where is my University of Wisconsin Buckey sweatshirt, my Green Bay car flags, my Brewers baseball jersey...  Odd that Penguin being there.

Much of the game was spent in pursuit.

Liz and John trying to get under the invisibility cloak.

A good time was had by all, don't cha know!

 

 

The 20, or so, days of Christmas - as told by Sky Mall magazine.

I have traveled alot this year.  When you travel, you get really bored.  When you do it only occasionally as a vacation, it is all pretty interesting.  This year I have flown approximately 275,000 miles on airplanes, I am just finishing my 9th trip to Europe this year.  At that many miles, the time spent in airplanes and in airports really stacks up.  It can be mind numbing.

So, this year to celebrate just how much fun I have had in air travel, I have decided to do all of my Christmas shopping for people from the Sky Mall catalog.  Sky Mall is the shopping magazine that is always in the back of the seat in front of you on the airplane.  It provides endless hours of fun while on the plane.  Who knew?

This is really going to be special.

 

This is a really special dog couch. This will go be for Ali. She doesn't have a dog, but you have to start somewhere. I really hope she doesn't get dogs that look like that though.

 

 

This wheel thing will be for Hanna. She has always been a circus freak, so this will add to the legacy. Plus, who wouldn't want a wheel the you could nearly die on while trying to go around the block.  Plus, it looks like it is a bargain at $1799!

 

 

This will have to be for my brother David. He will need this. As Ralphie said "Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window."

 

 

I do not know what it is, but I am definately signing up for the best advice ever.

 

 

This is for my friend Philip who lives in Australia. He has a bald head and the sun is intense down there. Plus, that looks so real.

 

 

This is a really good thing for my friend Chris. It is really fashionable, and it will make your neck look longer.

 

 

Ahhh. My head is being crushed inside these 2 clam shells.

 

 

Head Massage. This is for Chris Bach.

 

 

These are too expensive, so I am just cutting my own duct tape "H" for Dean's back.

 

This will be for me. I am totally getting that belt thing to end up with a stomach like that.

 

 

I think this will be for Thomas. Everyone needs a shirt like this.

 

 

I will get this for Liz. She needs excercise contraptions like that.

 

 

This will be a group present for Ali and Hanna. It is the newest craze in outdoor games afterall.

 

 

This is spectacular. Who doesn't need a zombie coming out of the garden? I think that I would get this for my assistant Teppy.

 

 

This says it is life size. How do they know? This is totally going in my back yard.

 

 

Here is a new product idea. I think this one would make great sense. It is almost as large as a car...

 

 

This thing doubles as a hair grower and a space helmet.

 

 

Now that is a sweet thing to carry through the airport. Plus, damn that is a great purple shirt the guy is wearing.

 

 

Now Gnome's are really cool. But geez, skeleton Gnomes are even cooler.

 

 

I do not even know what that is supposed to be.

 

So there you go.  Now that you have seen the fabulous gift ideas, you probably need a Sky Mall book as well.  Enjoy.

Out,

Joe