A sad sad state of affairs has presented itself to me this month.
What do you suppose is going on down in the basement? I have been down there (don't tell anyone), I personally do not understand the hype.
That sign is a little bit how I feel about my current personal dilemma. Do you want to guess how many burrito's I have had this year? The burrito count is frankly pathetic. Yes, I know that is almost unheard of. Actually I wrote another entry last week of discovering some great old music while eating a burrito. Just goes to show you that great things happen to those that eat burrito's. Makes me think of that saying that is attributed to Albert Einstien about thinking and riding a bicycle. It is probably true, but can equally be applied to eating burritos. But, if you could combine the 2 then it would be the perfect day. In fact, the Fox add said it best (In a perfect world, your favorite trail would end at a taco stand).
But, I was at home for most of the first week of January, and the burrito did not make an appearance. We had plenty of mexican food, but technically the burrito did not make the grade. Absurd I know, but it just did not happen.
Then we went to Utah and skied our brains out. In Utah, the burrito is not a high altitude thing. Then I went to spain, and the burrito does not exist there. Then when I returned all jetylagged, and the burrito had just not woken up yet. On top of that, I am married to a no gluten no sugar no dairy mostly veggie girl. Good for the health, but bad for the burrito count. We also had burrito intention interruptitis (Hanna kinda messed up the inside of her car one night, so that was a distraction - for example - yuck.)
It is mid february, and there have been a few burrito's. But, the count is way down. You remember last year, that there was a plethora of burritos. I think 28. I need to get moving. The burrito will be conquered. All of this healthy eating thing was not supposed to be at the expense of the burrito. After all, I am wearing Converse shoes today. Are we not Devo?
Surrender Dorothy!
On to the actual point of this all. Bikes. Bikes are cool. After all, they have just 2 wheels.
1. It is not a ride until there is blood. Can you imagine saying this about bowling? It is not a game until there are smashed fingers and tendenitis in your wrist. - nah.
2. They have 2 wheels. 1 wheel would be stupid, and 4 wheels is called a car. Cars kinda suck, that is for sure one thing that Schwinn had right.
3. The Burrito is the perfect post ride food. See about 19 previous blog entries to prove this one. By the way, the cafe at work put mozzarella cheese inside a burrito today at lunch. I almost burned the place down. That would be like putting a ride computer on your Slash (oh wait.)
4. IPA. In case you are wondering what I mean by this, it is beer. If you had to ask, then you should just move on to the next point. IPA is a biker kinda thing. We are happy to drink Old Milwaukee, but given a choice IPA is what moves you. Don't even get me started talking about Belgium and beer - that is coming.
5. Right hand front brake. Point of this, is that mountain bikers do this. Exactly 5.6 road riders do this, but an uncountable number of mountain bikers do this and that makes it groovy.
6. No speed limits. If you exceed the speed limit in a car, you will get a ticket. We already established car suck (actually Schwinn did that a long time ago), so lets move on. But, if you exceed the speed limit on a motorcycle, you will still get a speeding ticket. They only have 2 wheels, but that makes them not as cool as bikes. On a bike, you can pretty much go as fast as you want. It is about the only vehicle that is really fun, and you can completely disregard speed limits. So there.
7. Roads, where we are going we do not need any stinking roads.
8. They have the potential to violate the space time continuum. As you know, the future comes around every so often. It shows itself, and then it moves on. That makes me nervous every time. I do not want to wake up one day with too many thumbs.
9. Belgium. Did I mention Belgium? It is only the actual epicenter of cycling.
10. That new bike smell. You know, crisp shifting, smooth whir of the road.
11. That old ratty bike that still gets you there.
12. Getting beat by a girl. Happens to me more often than I like to admit. The bicycle is the great leveler. Big people do not necessarily have an advantage any more than gender gives you an advantage. Although gender does make you look better in lycra.
14. Those racks that hold your bike on the back of your car. Congratulations Mr.rack on the back of your car inventor guy, your a genius.
15. The Tour de France. It is not really a bike race, more of a freak show. I know that a lot of you are really taken aback that I would say that. But, a bike race is Flanders or Roubaix or Liege Bastogne Liege, or an enduro MTB race or just about any cyclocross race. In those races, with 5k to go there can still be 10 people that can win. When you get to the bottom of the Mur, there might still be a group of 20 together. It is unbelievable how exciting that can be. In the TDF, by day 10 there are like 3 guys that could win. So then we look at the French countryside on TV and listen to Paul and Phil drone on and on about how someone is a beautiful bike rider (accent required). But, I still love going to the tour, it is the most beautiful freak show in the world.
16. Cyclocross. Holy crap. What a freak show that is. In fact, it is the most exciting cowbell ringing, bacon throwing freak show there is.
17. JHK's remedy. Check it out. Just makes me drool.
The list goes on and on. Not sure if it would ever stop if I really didn't let it stop. I have been a cyclist my whole life (and I am old. Geez, old dude get some new music after all. Don't even get me started on trying to get Pearl Jam tickets.), I don't really know much else. I do know a little about bikes though, and boy oh boy will I let you know that.
Why are you still reading this? Go ride your bike. Belgium is coming.
I wish I had some new converse. All of my existing pairs are getting worn, and the laces on the left shoe are all to long. (That is always the case).
It is only 38 days until the greatest bike race of the year. Get my Jupiler!
Out,
Joe
